The Most Terribly Written FanFiction Of All!
by Cold Fire Phoenix
Summary: ... Or, The Prince of Yams.


And it's all mine! Alright, I admit I just wrote this after reading all those slave fictions and prince fictions that seem so abundant. So I wrote my own terrible story, hopefully for all to laugh at, but we'll see.   
  
You may ask if there are any redeeming qualities whatsoever about this. Well, no. There's no plot, no developement, terrible jokes, and various other not-so-great occurences. At least I laughed at my own capacity for the down-right moronic! There is a bit of language, however. Darnation.   
  
Enjoy this terrible writing! For some reason, I did! (If you have not already determined this fact for yourself, this is merely meant to be humorous and not illy given. Thank you!)  
  
Disclaimer: Not. Mine. Ever. Is. Rumiko. Takahashi's. Get. It?  
  
Prince of Yams  
  
The palace was splendiforous, decked out in an amazing array of inconcievable colors that all crashed horrendously with one another. Yet no one complained - In the Kingdom of Yam's everyone was colorblind.  
  
The Prince sat on his throne, mourning his long dead princess as the short, ugly chancellor called Myouga rattled on about his becoming king. ". . . *cough* and you must find a wife in the next week.*cough* Moving on!"  
  
Prince Inuyasha jumped the chancellor because he had caught the hidden message with his keen canine ears. "I, the Yam Prince, must marry? Never! I object! Let Sesshoumaru take the crown!"  
  
"He married the Emperess of Potato's, remember? To settle the Great War of Starch?" Myouga scratched his bald head.  
  
"Oh. Right. Starch. However, I refuse-"  
  
In ran little Shippou, the most annoying relative Inuyasha could possibly think of in all the Kingdoms and Empires of Plant. Then again, he didn't have many and was ornery, so no one really liked Inuyasha. He was. . .  
  
Misunderstood.  
  
"YAMMIE! Today I get to pick out my SLAVE from the SLAVE PENS, you know, the place where the SLAVES are kept!" The fox was jumping about, most uncaringly tugging on various portions of Inuyasha's brilliant red regalia.  
  
(AN: I know no Japanese, so instead I'll use bad spanish!)  
  
"Caiete, baka onna!" Inuyasha's fist slammed down on the poor, now weeping child's head.  
  
(AN: *giggle* Ooops! That wasn't really spanish, but it sounds cool so it stays! )  
  
"Prince, that is politically incorrect-"  
  
"Shut up old coot!" both Inuyasha and Shippou yelled in tandem.  
  
"Don't steal my lines!" Shippou screeched at Inuyasha.  
  
"I didn't steal anything, you little thief!" the Prince retorted, chasing the little bugger down.  
  
Myouga rubbed his head as Kaede, the random old crone who advised those within the castle, appeared beside him. Myouga geustured at the Prince in hopelessness. "We need to find a Cinderella to his Prince Charming?"  
  
Kaede shook her head. "Oh ye of little faith, ye need only to prey to the God of Yams and he shall deliver unto ye a solution of the soluable kind." The old woman meandered off, switching her eyepatch over to cover the other eye to continue to confuse the hell out of everyone around her. Old women need their fun.  
  
Myouga was astounded by this great wisedom, and after consulting with the toadstool know as Jaken he managed to drag the currently unconcious Shippou and Inuyasha into a magnificent carriage. Many white horses drew it on, every on, to be drawn on in style to go forever.  
  
:: ZAP ::  
  
Wow how time flies as I dictate, so suddenly they were surrounded by SLAVES in SLAVE PENS and Inuyasha and Shippou had woken up and suddenly become one with the idea of freeing the SLAVES.  
  
"We must save them!"  
  
"Yes, we must!"  
  
"You propogate the system, Prince," Myouga scolded from where he was currently hidden underneath a cusion after pulling his little 'I am a Vampire' move on Inuyasha.  
  
". . ."  
  
". . . Old bastard, shut up," Inuyasha said while Shippou was still silent.  
  
Shippou chose this critical, emotional, TENSE moment to leap out of the glass, unopenable window of the moving cart and roll through all the ranks of gaurds accompanying himself and Inuyasha to land at the feet of a gorgeous SLAVE if you ignored the filth she was covered in, the state of her hair and dress, and the stench that covered her more thickly than any blanket ever could. "Yay! You can be my pretty new mommy SLAVE! Myouga, I want her!"  
  
Inuyasha and Myouga had caught up by then, in normal ultra-handsome-unperturbed-yet-ruffian-like mode for Inuyasha, and the old-fart-who-just-ran mode for Myouga.  
  
Inuyasha immediately fell in love. "This SLAVE smells of ramen, the royal food that makes me hungry to even think about!"  
  
Awkwardly the slave offered the Ramen-Flavored Tunic she was carrying to the Prince, who shoved it back to her and lifted her in his arms and leaped off (yes, leaped you sillies!) to find a near-by lake to dump her in while chanting, "Ramen, ramen!"  
  
Right then and there she decided she liked this man. He was just moronic enough to suit her.  
  
:: PLOP ::  
  
She was immersed in ice-cold water, but meely began to bathe obediently and not cry out with the cold or question who or what the person who carried her here was or even where here was.  
  
It wasn't important.  
  
She was obviously in love.  
  
"Well, tell me your name bitch!" Inuyasha asked in an upbeat and cheerful tone.  
  
"Kagome."  
  
"I like that name! Sounds like a food dish!" he added, drooling at the thought of food.  
  
Kagome sweatdropped while slipping into the Ramen-Flavored Tunic. "You?"  
  
"Me what?" Inuyasha was scenting her in bliss, loving every ramen-filled moment of it.  
  
"You are whom?"  
  
"Is that whom or who? I never knew the difference. . . Oh, right. I'm Inuyasha, the Prince of Yams!"  
  
"Oh." Kagome blinked. "Can I call you Puppy Lover?"  
  
"If I can call you Kags, sweetling."  
  
"Agreed! So, Puppy Lover, should be be getting back to your buddies?"  
  
Inuyasha pouted. "Probably, but I don't really like them that much."  
  
Kagome frowned, pulling on Inuyasha's ears. "Puppy Lover, you cannot be so closed to relationships. I am sure they love you and express emotion in a way that is standard for them as individuals, and that they are extremely loyal to you."  
  
Inuyasha nodded his head in blind agreeance. "You know Kags, you are right! How could I have never realized his before?"  
  
"I have no idea, Puppy Lover, but why don't be go now?"  
  
"Right! . . . Ramen." Inuyasha tossed Kagome onto his back, taking once more to the skies in his incredibly speed and comfortable way.  
  
Kagome used her eagle-eye, color-blind gaze to spot two lonely travelors chatting it up in the middle of a heated battle with ten-zillion Furbies. "Puppy Lover! We must save the people, and destroy the Furbies!"  
  
"Right!" he responded enthusiastically. "Me must save the Furbies and destroy the people!"  
  
Kagome bit his ear. "No, baka (AN: Like the word for fool in Japanese, you know? Like vaca in spanish!)! Kill the little furry things!"  
  
"Baka?" Inuyasha asked in a confused voice. "I thought my name was either Inuyasha or Puppy Lover?"  
  
Kagome sighed. "Just don't ask, Puppy Lover."  
  
Inuyasha came down and Kagome realized something. "Puppy Lover!"  
  
"Kags?"  
  
"Reach into my chest and pull out the Tesseiga!"  
  
The monk person leaned forward. "Don't you mean Tetsusaiga?"  
  
"Shut up!" Kagome and Inuyasha yelled at the obviously lecherous man.  
  
Inuyasha reached into Kagome's shirt and viola! Out came a bad-arse sword. Inuyasha swung it around a few time to learn all its secrets before unleasing its massive power on the unlucky Furbies.  
  
Unfortunately, Furbies can reproduce at astounding rates.   
  
"Kags! It's not working!" Kagome slapped her forehead.   
  
"I know! Puppy Lover! Get down on all fours and BARK!"  
  
Mindless love-driven drone he is, Inuyasha did as was asked. "MEO-Erm, WOOF! ARF! YIP! BARK! ARGH! OOGAHBOOGAH!"  
  
". . . You can't really bark, can you?" the monk commented while feeling up his lady companion who so obviously was in love with him and enjoying every moment of this while slapping the monk to keep up face.  
  
Kagome attacked the monk with 'Kawaii Bubbles' which sent him to a pretty place where all the women were for peeping. . .  
  
The Furbies had in the meantime been scared off by the lunatic with dog-ears and so all were saved and the people rejoiced and Inuyasha kissed Kagome except she was Sango, a character loosely introduced into this storyline. "Ooops! Sorry!"  
  
Kagome grinned, bit his ear again, and all four were off as a magical kitten turned into a big saber-tooth carrier of lurve to bring them back to the SLAVE PENS.  
  
"Myouga! I am going to marry Kagome, who now that I think about it looks disturbingly like my dead Princess but who cares? The past is the past!"  
  
Myouga was overjoyed.  
  
Sesshoumaru appeared out of nowhere with a small little SLAVE at his heels and started talking with Inuyasha, chumming it up, giving him attention and brotherly love, and tons of advice before they argue over whose SLAVE is better looking and they give each other black eyes.  
  
After that episode everyone teletransports to the castle where Kaede puts Inuyasha in a choke-hold and ties a sting of garlic beads around his neck and controls Kagome's mind to make her say, "CHEESE!" which forces Inuyasha to the ground and the confusing old broad wanders off to wreak havok elsewhere, Shippou suddenly at her heels begging to become her disciple.  
  
"That was odd. . . CHEESE!" Kagome stated, unable to keep from adding the special phrase to the end.  
  
Inuyasha met the stone floor again, laughing. "Cheese! You just said cheese!"  
  
Then the three fairies show up dressed in pink frills. "We, Naraku, Kanna, and Kagura, can grant you three wishes Kagome child!"  
  
"Oh, okay," she responded, thinking for a full three seconds. "I want to be imediately married to Inuyasha, I want to be intelligent, and I want the castle to clean itself."  
  
Naraku cackled evilly, granting her first wish. A wedding band apparated on their ring fingers, and they knew they were married as the knowledge of a 'wedding night' filled their heads with steamy images. Kagome wipped the steam from her eyes.  
  
Kanna stepped in to grant the third wish, and suddenly the castle could never be dirty again. SO no one was ever allowed in by the castle doors, which controlled themselves.  
  
Quite suddenly they had no castle to live in, nor any of the riches in said castle.  
  
This is when Kagura granted her second wish.  
  
As Kagome said then. . .  
  
"Oh crap." 


End file.
